Last week, SAYS.com published a story on me titled “M’sian City Life #27: I’m A Plus Size And I’m Afraid Of Getting Fatter”
I talked about my sudden lost of confidence when i started putting on weight and how i became much more paranoid and conscious about how i looked. I confessed that i was indeed a fat girl who’s afraid of getting fatter. But that’s not the full story. So i decided to post my whole story here for you to read. Let me know what you think!
Most of us are quite comfortable with our body and we’ve accepted who we are. But as much as we plus size women don’t want to admit, and as much as we push towards body positivity/movement, fat girls do have a fear of getting fatter too! Just like any person, we look at models(plus size models in our case) and wished we had those curves or those long legs. Even in the plus size world, there’s an “ideal” plus size figure or look. Now that’s a whole different topic itself; i’ll save that for another day.
“So why are fat girls afraid of getting fatter? Isn’t it ironic? They’re already fat.. What’s a little more?”
I’ve recently put on a bunch of weight, 8kgs to be exact . And you can imagine the horror i felt when i started realizing that i can’t suck in my stomach anymore, i look bigger especially from the side and my clothes don’t fit anymore! But it’s probably not for reasons that you’re thinking. I’m pregnant!
That’s normal right? Well, when you’re fat and pregnant, you don’t necessarily look pregnant at all. You don’t have that nice round baby bump that slim people do. You don’t have that golden ticket that gives you the right to be fat. I walk in shopping malls and i feel people looking and judging. It sounds silly, but i really do have that fear- I’ve lost all my confidence.
“So what if i weren’t pregnant and i’m putting on all that weight?”
Well to tell you the truth, i’ll be even more scared! I’ll have to look back at myself and think.. “Ok, why did this happen? Is it that i’m stressed out and I’m binge eating? Or is it my metabolism functioning at a lower rate? Or maybe it’s because i’m moving less and not exercising.” Whatever the reason is, the fear of you getting fatter just became an ultimate reality. But why is that fear even there?
Well, here’s what i think.. I think that we’re so used to people seeing us the way we are that we’re afraid of change. We’re afraid of what people might think of us and what they associate our weight with; eg. illnesses, ugliness and laziness. Our society is so accustomed to thinking that being skinny is the way to go in order for people to like you, to respect you, and in this day and age- to get more followers. But we shouldn’t be stereotyping fat people. I know so many beautiful women that are not skinny, that are not lazy at all and in fact are eating way healthier than some other women.
And it’s not just the fact that people might start talking bad about you, it’s also about finding clothes that actually fit. Let’s be honest, the plus size fashion and availability in Malaysia is nowhere near the ones in the west; and to tell you the truth it is a little scary to find that your dress size has gone up, that the places you usually shop don’t have your size anymore or that you actually have to shop in maternity stores just to get something that fits. We’re also not as free to express our style due to limited choices available and due to the mindset that has been embedded in us.
“So, what do you do? How do you overcome this fear of getting fatter?”
In my case, I’ve started not to care about what other people think and how the society would perceive me, because i found a way around it, and it’s called confidence. Getting fatter being pregnant or not pregnant, whatever it is, confidence is key. Think about what makes YOU happy and not what society thinks. Take the weight gain as a point where you decide- do i want to continue this path or do i want to do something about it? As for me, i don’t want to be putting on too much weight, maybe just enough for the baby. So what i decided, was to eat healthier, drink lots of water and find time for small workouts like prenatal yoga or a swim. Remember, you are the one that’s in control of your own body and it’s up to you to decide your own path- no one else.